I don’t know what it feels like to get butterflies from seeing someone in person that I truly care about. I used to.
Maybe that’s what happens when you train yourself to not have feelings anymore.
All I know is that I still get that ache of anticipation.
That’s better then butterflies, right?  

You are all so sweet and genuine. 
This last week went by extremely fast. I had no idea my birthday weekend would come so quickly! Tonight I am celebrating my birthday early with my family tonight, and tomorrow on my actual birthday I am spending the evening with my favorite people in the world, minus a few, at the restaurant Chino Latinos. 

This will be the first birthday I have ever spent without my mom. Her and I both are extremely heart broken that we are on separate parts of the world, but I’m continuing to grow, as is she. I miss her terribly, and my baby girl Roxy. 

Nonetheless this Easter/Birthday weekend will be nothing but happiness. 
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday. xx 

I just don’t care anymore about trying to make everyone else happy. 
I’ve decided how unhealthy that was.
There is no way you can please someone if they don’t want to be pleased.
It took so long to realize that no matter what I do, it won’t change a mind that is already set; And I don’t want to change someone’s mind.
I’m much happier now that I have started to do everything that makes me happy.
I started with my school work, then my family, friends, and my job.
I don’t need weights of other peoples’ confusion holding me under.
If you want to be apart of my life, then do it.
If you don’t, then I’ll hold the door open for you.
It’s really that simple. 
I fall in love with a majority of the people in my life. 
In different ways an small portions of course.
My mother always told me, “if you love something then let it go. If it comes back then it was always yours, if it doesn’t, then it wasn’t meant to be.”
Sometimes it takes a person to be apart of your past, to realize they want to be apart of your future.
Don’t make it out to be so complicated to make yourself sound smarter.
Or like your decisions have true meanings behind them.
Keep it simple; it’s easier that way.

I couldn’t be more content with where my life is, STILL, on top of all this stress with only 5 class days left to finish every assignment, and finals. Phew. Who knew I could be happy when I’m stressed? NEW RECORDS.
 

Everybody an their mother is in a band nowadays. 
I don’t care if you just got signed, or you tour everywhere.
It’s not impressive.
Sure you’re probably talented, but I doubt you sound any different from everyone else.
If your heart an soul is dedicated to it, so be it.
But don’t use it as some sort of “pick up line”.
I don’t give a shit.

I like boys that I can have movie night with every single night if I wanted.
Not someone who’s going to make me famous by talking about me on their Twitter.
Get real.
I want real love, not a text message conversation.  

#tweegram #happiness #truth #life #love #believe #words (Taken with instagram)

What if I can’t be all that you need me to be
We’ve got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep
But my addiction it can be such a detriment
Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent

What if everything’s just the way that it will be
Could it be that I am meant to cause you all this grief
My war ships are lying off the coast of your delicate heart
And my aim is steady and true as it’s been right from the start

There’s a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

So when we leave it’ll be a quick midnight escape
We’ll disconnect ourselves from all of yesterday
I’ll dig for water and fashion our very own wishing well
Then we’ll throw our coins down hoping to rid of us of this little hell

There’s a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell

Two beautiful girls who graduated from my high school a year after me died tonight. I couldn’t honestly imagine the pain of losing a friend or a family member right now. Those girls were best friends. The world is cruel who it decides to take. How could you think everything happens for a reason when it doesn’t. There was no reason those girls had to leave their lives so soon. When people have so much going for them, why take it all away? I’ll never understand it. Death hits so hard on me, even when I wasn’t the closest with the people. It still effects me as a person and opens my eyes to how lucky I am to be alive and have the people I cherish most in it.

So make sure to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you everyday if you have to. You never know how quickly the good can slip through your fingers. 

Rest In Peace.

It amazes me how quickly people proclaim that they change.
You actually don’t change who you truly are, often.
Circumstances, yes. Actual change, no.
I’m unsure of these tests the universe throws me occasionally.
It’s starting to make me wonder if I have a heart anymore.
Or maybe it’s just the people I’m drawn to, don’t. 
And I thought I was spontaneous.  

Things get complicated.
People float from one heart to the next.
Souls get lost in the midst of imperfection and misinterpretations. 
Games are for the weak minded.
The sun rises and sets on different horizons.
Flutter from time zones with incredible jet lag.
Homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist.
You can’t build foundations on sand.
Guilt is a feeling you get when you feel you’ve done something wrong.
Who’s to say what’s wrong an right?
Love isn’t an item you buy an use when you’re lonely.
Sweet talk gets you satisfaction for a day.
Take nothing but pictures; leave nothing but footprints. 
Free float. 

peppery-skin:

untitled by rakkauttaskatu on Flickr.

I always have such a hard time adjusting from sleeping next to someone to sleeping alone. Pillows and blankets just aren’t the same. Skin to skin, warmth to warmth. Fighting over the covers and back rub lullabies. I will forever loathe an empty bed.